Oh no! After a painfully long wait, of hearing that yes, I needed a new one, I finally got my new office computer. Thank goodness. The sleek design and light weight of this beauty will give both my back and back-pack tremendous sighs of relief.

Other than a few typical setup hiccups, all seemed hunky dory. Which was clearly something I should have been concerned about. This all went far too smoothly - there had to be a catch. That’s when I went searching for my friendly Spotify button. Hello? Where oh where can it be? I broke into a cold sweat, nearly blacking out. My best digital musical buddy had gone missing!

How can this be? Have the gods of IT taken this joy away from me? What about employee rights?

I needed to get to the bottom of this, and fast. I checked in with the IT guy who had delivered my computer to me, sans Spotify. And the gods thus spoke - THERE SHALL BE NO MORE SPOTIFY!

And that wasn’t all. He added that having Spotify was, according to the IT bylaws and rules and other foolishness designed to protect our networks and employees, against the corporate law. Meaning that something very bad could happen to me if caught with it. Ouch!!!

So now I am without my beloved Spotifiy. Oh, sure I can listen at home. But when? It just won’t happen. So now I must move on, back to the archaic iTunes, back to listening to only those cd’s that I have loaded onto the network. Gone is the endless supply of songs from the past, present, and future that Spotify happily and legally shared with me.

I Want My S-P-O-T-I-F-Y!!!

Not too long ago, in a place far, far away - on the East Coast to be exact - I took guitar lessons. This was a very different time of my life, one with no wife, no kids, and lots of free time. I’ll never forget the joy of exploration and creativity that I experienced through my guitar. Admittedly I wasn’t planning on becoming the next Slow Hand or Johnny Ramone, but I did become half decent. Topping it all off was meeting and writing with singer/songwriter extraordinaire Lauren. I met Lauren by chance one day in Astoria Park. She played the same Yamaha acoustic as I did and we shared he same musical likes. I would take lessons and show her the crazy Bossa Nova chords I had learned, then we’d work on some of our own music. These were good days.

Back in my apartment I would revel in playing my acoustic or my new Fender Squier Strat, hitting record on the cassette recorder and announcing the chords I was playing for posterity. I played with chord progressions and my distortion pedal to no end.

Where is this all taking me, or you, the reader? Well, I saw Sleigh Bells on Saturday Night Live. No, it wasn’t a life-changing moment. Instead, I would say life-affirming. Hearing their guitars over the drum machines made me think back to my regular guitar playing days. Their loud, raw riffs could have come from one of my cassettes. Maybe I was onto something?  It’s time to dust off the guitars and see if I can get my mojo back.

Were Sleigh Bells that inspiring? Sort of. But what would a music posting by yours truly be without some kind of critique? The Sleigh Bells performance didn’t impress me much. Rather, it intrigued me. So I went to my new best friend, Spotify, to hear more. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I couldn’t make it through the entire cd. If you consider yourself a hipster you may want to cover your eyes and repeat la-la-la to yourself for a few minutes. Those who know me know that I’m not one to jump on anybody’s bandwagon. Call me a grumpy old curmudgeon. Call me close-minded. Maybe even a music snob. But don’t call me late for dinner (sorry). Regardless, I will give any music a chance. But this music was way over-processed. Scale it down, throw on some real drums, then change your name to The Hearthrobs or Lush, and you may be onto something. Been there, heard that. But thank you for bringing the guitars back to the front.

Artist: The Hearthrobs

Song:  Dreamtime

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_l_7-vRsbs

Artist:  Lush

Song:  Sweetness and Light

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNkG3QFrM64&feature=related

Artist:  Sleigh Bells

Song:  End of the Line

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nm2CvHKYWTY

Things I learned while watching the Grammys (and I watched the whole thing. Well, almost the whole thing. I couldn’t take the exorcism of Nicki Minaj, not due to religion, but due to its stupidity. And I shouldn’t have sat through Chris Brown or Katy Perry or Jason Aldean or Rihanna.):

 1. Rap is R&B. When did this happen? Or, how the hell did Chris Brown win Best R&B anything? R&B used to be about singers. People like Luther Vandross, Lou Rawls, Aretha… NOT rappers who “sing”, or pardon my ignorance, “singers” who rap. Sorry, but what Chris Brown does isn’t singing, nor can he rap to save his life. I really don’t know what he does.

2. I’d much rather watch a band on stage than watch someone lip-synch or autotune their way through an aerobics workout with 20 of their costumed friends dancing onstage. But I pretty much knew this already. Reinforcement of my thoughts is good. Live music should have enough power that it doesn’t need a stage full of dancers - maybe only a few flash pots. Dave Grohl was right.

3. Bruno Mars was awesome. As was his band. This was a joyous performance that left me wanting more. That is, until I saw the Twilight commercial featuring a slower jam. I do need to hear more from him though.

4. Some old guys can still rock, while others are kind of scary. Bruce and Joe Walsh killed it. Sir Paul was hit and miss. His voice sounded very old while singing his new one “My Valentine”, but he rocked out with his band and friends during the Abbey Road medley …

The scary? Mike Love of The Beach Boys. I thought he was going to keel over at any moment. He looked like he was struggling to get out any lyrics. I was bummed because I was really looking forward to seeing Brian Wilson back with the band. Now I’m not so sure I’ll shell out the cash to see Mike Love suffer.

5. Adele is the real deal. But I knew that too. The question is how will she respond to the inevitable pressure that will hit hard when she makes her next album?

 6. I almost like Taylor Swift. Almost. I want to believe that she really does write her music and is truly talented. This is tough for this ABC (Anything But Country) kind of guy to acknowledge.

7. While on the country tip, The Civil Wars seemed pretty cool, you know, for country. Or are they bluegrass? And if it doesn’t work out for them, the guy has a future in comedy. Thanking all of their opening acts was one of the funniest things I heard all night.

8. Foo Fighters can basically do no wrong. They rock and have fun doing it. Plus they have Pat Smear.

9. Rihanna and Chris Martin are like oil and water.  They don’t mix.  The big Coldplay/Rihanna duet was actually separate performances sandwiching a Rihanna/Martin duet.  He sure looked like he would rather have been anywhere else than to be singing with her.  Especially after she did a typically ridiculous overblown production showcasing her inability to do anything well.  This one wasn’t fair to the very talented Coldplay. 

One pairing that did work was Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt’s tribute to the deserving Etta James.  I would buy that.

10. Sorry, but we don’t all love Whitney Houston. There, I said it. I will miss the great paparazzi photos of her in the tabloids though.

The Alarm were one of my favorite bands of the early-to-mid-80’s. Joining the likes of Big Country (see posting) in riding the coattails of the guitar driven, anthem singing, fist pumping style of early U2, The Alarm enjoyed modest alternative US success and even a bit of crossover success as well. Early Alarm songs, especially those found on their wonderful debut EP, were raw and full of energy.

My friends and I were fortunate to see the tour promoting the EP in a small hall at Stony Brook University. Intimate would be a generous description. What the band lacked in musical chops (ie talent), they made up for in energy and unstoppable sing-along choruses. In other words, they were an awesome live band. And on each subsequent record you could hear their development as musicians and songwriters as they grew from a young band to a mature band with slicker production.

When talking about The Alarm I would be remiss to ignore their unique look. Early on they had a somewhat pirate meets Staten Island thing going, with big hair high enough to qualify them for the 5 Borough Hair Hall of Fame. Thankfully with maturity came less aerosol.

Today’s song was perhaps their most successful, and, not surprisingly, their most commercial. Considering all of their anthemic bravado in earlier records, the energy was turned down several notches in making this a catchy, dare I say pretty song.

Artist: The Alarm

Title: Rain in the Summertime

Screamer of the Week:  No.  it was a tough year - probably had to go up against pals U2 and The Smiths

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D6pPgwafq0

Here’s something new and exciting - this morning provided a bountiful harvest of pleasant surprises. As my son would say, like, OMG! Can you say The Church? Nena? Heaven 17? The Plimsouls? Fine Young Cannibals? Talking Heads? Plus the usual standbys U2, Depeche Mode, Blondie and Robert Gordon, but with way different songs! How can I possibly remember all of this? It was so shocking that it was etched into my workout psyche. The question really is how do I pick just one big surprising song of the day? The answer is simple. I don’t. Today is a special day! You get two songs for the price of one. But wait, there’s much more. You will also get a third song! That’s right! Read through this whole piece of well written prose and you will receive the 80’s song that I wished I never heard again but did because there it was nestled amongst all of the goodies.

I guess we’ll start with the good news first. After all, it is Friday. My first pick for surprising song of the day has to be Fine Young Cannibals. Emerging from the wreckage of The English Beat, FYC was formed by two of the non-famous members of The Beat. Nope, not Ranking Roger or Dave Wakeling. Those guys formed General Public, which I always thought of as the lesser of the two new bands. Add a gifted  singer (appropriately named Roland Gift) with a unique, soulful voice, a good cover and originals, and you get a band that had far more success  in the US than their original band.

While their cover of Elvis Presley’s Suspicious Minds was all over the radio, a surprising cover won today’s honor. The Buzzcock’s Ever Fallen in Love is a classic in its own right. If you are going to cover a classic, make it your own. It’s always risky business covering a song that is already well known. Either you sound just like the original which is really no challenge at all but guarantees Airplay, or you make it your own which can easily evoke some nasty comparisons to the original. In this case FYC managed to successfully make it their own.

Artist: Fine Young Cannibals

Title: Ever Fallen In Love (with Someone You Shouldn’t’ve)?

Screamer of the Week:  Um, apparently not.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfdIAbHzxmg

Song #2 is an awesome guitar driven song by the L.A. Band The Plimsouls, led by Peter Case. You’ve most likely heard “A Million Miles Away” but have no idea where or when. It’s that kind of song. Well, maybe you remember seeing the band in the monster huge smash movie Valley Girl, or hearing the song on its soundtrack. How something with this much guitar and oomph managed to make it past the safe 80’s music gym censors is a mystery. But I’ll tell you what - I could sure go for more of it at 5 AM. I love most of the alternative 80’s music that is on the playlist, but a guy needs to rock out too, ya know?

Artist:  The Plimsouls

Title:  A Million Miles Away

Screamer of the Week:  Nope.  but it should have been!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIxgBMNhsKU 

Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Drum roll please Mr. Alan White….the extra special song that I hoped I would never hear again but unfortunately did this morning is…..

Artist: Olivia Newton John

Title: Xanadu

Like, OMG!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr6WidQqhu4

The past holiday week was a slow one for 80’s at the gym. Or, maybe I was a slow one in getting to the gym.  On the rare occasion that I was there, it was more futuristic than 80’s. Blips, blips and autotune. Definitely not a banner week musically. Instead, I was able to uncover two alternative sources for my 80’s fix, one being excellent, the other not so great. How they are classified depends on which 80’s rocks your boat. Alternative or pop-rock?

I’ll start with the lesser of the two selections. On Wednesday night I was finally able to catch up with my good friend Chris over drinks. This was unusual for us in that usually, albeit rarely, we catch up over a concert, which really isn’t too good for conversation, but is good for filling our respective music jones. Anyway, on this night of nights we headed out to hipster paradise, otherwise known as the Mission in SF. The first bar we stuck our heads into was apparently having their periodic hip hop night, where the hipsters can pretend to get their bearded funk on to acts they don’t know. I was fine with the hip hop, but the crowd probably wouldn’t have been fine with my clean-shaven self. Pass.

Next we spotted a bar with the unfortunate name of Casanova. This could not be a good sign. As we stuck our heads in, something seemed shockingly very right. There was old school punk playing, and several well inked and uninked denizens of this apparently fine institution were scattered throughout. We imbibed in a couple of fine beers and took off for some pizza down the block. When we returned I had anticipated more of the same. But what a difference an hour can make! Same great crowd, but now there was a DJ spinning wax. And here’s where it veered off to hipsterdom. Instead of old school punk and new wave (Fun Boy 3 was played in round 1), I got a steady helping of 80’s Journey and Huey Lewis. For hipsters, if it isn’t either some boring folky guy with as much facial hair as the guys in ZZ Top or an electro pop group with a cute girl singer and a whiny, off-key guy, then it’s something retro kitschy. Thankfully we liked the bar, but chalk this one up as a missed opportunity.

On a more positive note, I can sum up my other haven for 80’s in two words - Trader Joe’s. On a routine shopping trip I encountered such musical nuggets as The Dead Milkmen’s ode to Punk Rock Girl, and The Flirts’ Jukebox (Don’t Put Another Dime). What an awesome shopping experience! Even without a tasty food sample. I should grab this review and post it on Yelp. Shop at TJ’s - great tunes and food and wine too!

Back to the music. The Dead Milkmen were fun. They wrote goofy songs like Punk Rock Girl and Bitchin’ Camaro (donuts on my lawn - one of my fave lyrics). But they were more like the Good Charlotte of 80’s punk. So they are out of contention for song of the day. Plus they are up against The Flirts. The Flirts were three hot singers (well, 2 anyway) masquerading as a new wave/dance music group. I don’t know what else they sang, but Jukebox was an amazing song. It’s danceable, but its driving vocals made me forget that it was sung by what was most likely a prefab girl group with little talent to speak of. Please someone prove me wrong on this one. That was pretty harsh.

Artist: The Flirts

Song: Jukebox (Don’t Put Another Dime)

Screamer of the Week:  September 1982

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kohs_nlQzpM

There was no smiling gym girl at the door welcoming me this morning. Instead there was a burly non-smiling substitute gym guy. There was no 80’s music either. Instead, the early morning faithful had the (dis)pleasure of listening to what may have been chill, trance, or house music on quaaludes. I’m not sure, but it may have been one long 2 hour song interspersed with random female vocals, Indian chakras, voodoo spells, or cries for help. There were no highs or lows, just one continuous drone. If only I had taken X with my cereal this morning!

For most people gym music probably fades into the background. It is, after all, background music in a gym. But is it really meant to serve as a mind numbing antidote to cover the grunts and groans of the more vocal gym devotees?  Or should it serve as motivation?  It it were up to me, it would get your heart pumping, get your body moving, or make you want to throw that dumbbell through the roof. I don’t think it’s meant to suck all the life out of the gym faithful. That said, different people prefer different music for different things.  So what may motivate me may make someone else sick.  Which is why it would be a good thing for the gym to set the music on some sort of middle-of-the-road format.  If you don’t like the music - @#$!!! you!!!  And bring your ipod to listen to what you want.

Squeeze are one of those bands that were big on Long Island due to the support of WLIR.  Big meaning playing the Nassau Coliseum when they were playing in clubs or theatres around the rest of the United States.

Their songs are instantly recognizable at first listen, as though you had known them for years.  Maybe it was the distinctly British pop feel that goes back to the initial British invasion.  There were so many great songs, but consistent chart success eluded them.

Man, were those songs great.  My former guitar teacher - a well respected musician whose opinion I trust - had told me that the greatest modern / rock songwriters were, in no particular order, Lennon/McCartney, Elvis Costello, Billy Joel, and Squeeze’s Difford/Tilbrook.  That’s some pretty impressive company. 

Like the early Beatles, Squeeze’s music is deceptively simple.  The reality is that the songwriters were masters of their craft, throwing in complex chord structures that belied the apparent simplicity of the music.  Combine this simplicity with melody, lyrics that told a story, and the underappreciated guitar playing of Tilbrook, and you’ve got songwriting at its best.

Band:  Squeeze

Title:  Another Nail in My Heart

Screamer of the Week:  Um, no.  Screamers started in Sept 1980, so this one just missed.  I’m sure it would have won though!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bTWF7eirJw&ob=av2e

The one hit wonder.  We all know some of these legendary songs/singers/bands.  They made a big splash only to never be heard from again.  I can think of many people I’ve met who I wish were one hit wonders.  How about rotten kids?  Their parents should be one hit wonders.  But back to the music.  Some of these hits were really good songs - so good, in fact, that you want more and more from these bands:

• Bow Wow Wow - I want Candy
• Tommy Tutone - 867-5309 (Jenny)
• Blind Melon - No Rain (okay, so a little OD may have had something to do with it)
• Digable Planets - Rebirth of Slick
• Modern English - I Melt With You

Others, you are thankful they went away quickly:

• Taco - Puttin on the Ritz
• Rockwell w/ Michael Jackson - Somebody’s Watching Me
• Los Del Rio - Macarena (unfortunately the song didn’t go away, although I proudly have never done the dance at a wedding)
• Men Without Hats - Safety Dance
• Right Said Fred - I’m Too Sexy

Why does this phenomenon happen?  I have a couple of theories, but I’m sure there are far more reasons than just these.  Prior to signing, some bands have been together for years and have built up a setlist through constant touring and editing.  After the first album is released, suddenly the label demands another album in only a year.  Uh oh.  All of the best songs were already on the 1st album, and the pressure to deliver provides nothing but clinkers.  Case in point is Zebra, who toured and toured, got signed, put out an amzing debut, and couldn’t follow it up.

Often, the songs are novelties or dance tracks, where the singer is basically a hired gun.  They are a dime a dozen.  The big hit comes, but there is already somebody taking their place by the time the next single comes out.

Some bands really aren’t one hit wonders.  They just appear to be to the general public.  That one hit was nice, but maybe it wasn’t their goal.  Subsequent releases are great records, but don’t provide much airplay or appeal to the teens.  Yet they have a core fanbase that loves them and can support a solid career. 

What’s amazing is how some of these one-off hits are ingrained into the daily lexicon of our lives (how’s that for fancy?).  Between sales, airplay, and royalties from covers, some of the writers are enjoying the good life on an island in the Caribbean.  With just one hit song!

Today’s artist is a one hit wonder himself - Belouis Some.   I have no idea where he came up with that name.  It certainly wasn’t his parents.  “Imagination” was an excellent song - catchy, with a thumping bass and the deep voice of Belouis.  

I honestly don’t know much about this guy.  So I hit that bastian of misinformation  - Wikipedia - to catch up with him.  Unfortunately, befitting of a one hit wonder, there wasn’t much there.  I could tell that his label must have had very high hopes for him.  They surrounded Belouis with nothing but top-notch people to work his first record.  The album was produced by Steve Thompson and Michael Barbiero, and arranged by Carlos Alomar.  The musicians included Alomar, Bernard Edwards, Tony Thompson and Earl Slick.  You have to wonder, with this kind of support, if the label saw a hot body with little talent (a male version of Brittney/Katy/et al), so they brought in the big guns to get it right.  All of this help got him some success.  Besides “Imagination”, Belouis Some had a few songs reach the dance chart, but he apparently hasn’t been heard from since 1993.

The video for “Imagination”?  In keeping with the a-listers, it was directed by Storm Thorgerson.  Holy cow!  And it is THE BEST VIDEO EVER that you never saw.  Just watch it and you’ll see why.  Let’s put it this way - don’t watch it at work!  You have been warned. 

Believe it or not, I actually saw Belouis Some in concert opening for Frankie Goes to Hollywood at the Beacon Theatre.  This could almost be considered an evening of one hit wonders, but nobody knew it at the time.  In fact, I’d say Frankie at least made an impact on the scene.  As for the show, Belouis Some was entertaining, but it was all about Frankie.  That’s where I got my Frankie Says RELAX t-shirt.  They were touring on their 1st album and ended up plaing Relax twice - once during their main set as well as the encore.  Crazy!  They were excellent.

Artist:  Belois Some

Song:  Imagination

Screamer of the Week:  Amazingly, “Imagination” never won.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WkLwqTwF4w&feature=related